Posted by: mzunguchick | September 9, 2009

I’m being such a girl ………..

I just don’t know whether i want to be here or there

I headed this way thinking the grass must be greener – but turns out it’s got brown dried up edges and i was actually perfectly happy being over there so shall be heading back now.

I do humbly apologise to anyone who actually changed their link to me to this wordpress one only to have me rushed back to the other side.

But if are still happy to follow me and my drivel, you will be most welcome and please do walk this way ……………….

Posted by: mzunguchick | January 8, 2009

Shida mingi !

As my mate “Joe” asked – Ako shida ya bei ya Unga?

I can safely report “Ni shida mingi sana ya hii bei” and for that reason I am having to work my buns off and don’t have time to chat to you jolly fellows out there and although I haven’t forgotten any of you, until that chap upstairs grants me an extension to 36 hour days, I’m afraid I will struggle to get here very often.

As a little compensation though – both for you and me – probably mainly me but hey what the hell – i am going to have a little side blog entitled “OUT OF THE MOUTH OF AN 8 YEAR OLD ASPIE” as that little chap of mine – that apparently is my son – although I highly doubt that seeing as he is incredibly clever – and I think the fact that he looks like my father is actually complete coincidence and he belongs to some other girlie round the corner and my child is growing up in another life as a not so exceptionally bright little chap!  Anyway as i was saying, I want to start this other blog just to write down things he says and does as it is not quite the norm of an 8 year old child and I’d love to share them with people and let them know what my world is really all about.

so here’s the link My Amazing Boy and when I get that extension granted on my days I shall be back to bore you across here once more as well!!

PS.  411 just through – No-one from Kenya apart from the ambassadors already in Washington DC have been invited to the inauguration of the Kenyan president of the United States.

There will be lots of unhappy bunnies about this neck of the woods let me tell you!

Posted by: mzunguchick | November 26, 2008

Well it’s definitely change all right …….

Since our man Obama has won his nomination and Western Kenya has set up its tourist routing accordingly to deal with Obamamania, here back in the big smoke in my little world things are not so rosy and everything seems to be tumbling about around me and doesn’t seem to want to stop.

I didn’t think I’d bother keeping up my blogging balderdash as the comments that I have had recently over Obama Maniadom were just far too boring to let out into the blogosphere and even my ‘recycle bin’ was struggling with the abuse it had to take, so thought best I shut up so all the bored abusive people who have nothing better to do in life can move along somewhere else and give me a break for a bit.

Anyway had a phone call this morning from an ‘old’ friend (- she got rather old over the weekend, but it was about time she caught up a bit with the rest of us!), ands I got a bit of stick about being so quiet and so I had a little think, and ……. thought ……….. Typical me yet again, the going gets a little rough and if I can’t run away then instead I bury my head in the sand – both excellent techniques, that I have tried and tested many times I might add, to avoid life entirely and let it go ‘la la la’ by in the breeze!  BUT, according to my friendly girlie psych – that is not a good way of ‘coping’, although I’m not sure I’m really ready for coping just at the moment.

The last few weeks/months suck generally – apart from Obama getting in – that was the good part, and I got abused for celebrating with my fellow countrymen over it, but hey, I suppose when it all goes horribly wrong, it does mean ALL.

I have this wonderful place in my head where the sun is shining, there is a field of beautiful roses floating on a stunning bright blue sea, and everything is calm and peaceful and incredibly gorgeous and heavenly.  The only way to reach this wonderful place is by climbing an incredible steep stony hill, and that hill is the story of my life.

I have yet to reach that amazing place that I dream of, but every day I wake up and think that perhaps today may just be the day when I reach the top of that hill and finally get to see that sunny, happy place for real.  I think that’s what’s known as true optimism, and i would like to think of myself as a generally optimistic type, but I’m not sure that at the moment I am doing much of a job convincing myself of anything, as it seems there is a jolly big boulder blocking my path and my light, and currently I cannot find a way round it.

Yes people, as you can tell from my waffle, I have finally – officially – lost my marbles, and even the ‘happy’ pills aren’t helping.  Depression is a very evil curse, and all I want to do right now is sit under the desk, plug myself into my ipod and pretend the world outside that 2 square foot space does not exist and will not bother me ever again.

Instead of course, I sit on top of my desk – well not quite – but you know what I mean – and write bollix to the blogosphere hoping that by pouring out the nonsense I may feel better, but do I?

…..  Ooooh, ooooh, oooh, phone’s ringing, this could be it  …….

Should have known better!  Have just had meeting that was scheduled with school to try desperately to chart the way forward for the ‘gifted, aspergers, school hater’ known as my son, has got f***ed up by the child psychologist mixing up his days of the week.  Oh JOY!

Just tell me one thing …..

When do I officially hit rock bottom, and the only only way forward is upwards?

OR is this just what life is all about, and it’s just going to swallow me whole ??????

black-hole

Posted by: mzunguchick | November 6, 2008

Happy OBAMA day to you all ……….

feet-up

Posted by: mzunguchick | November 5, 2008

Chaps, we are OFFICIALLY on the map ………..

This great man has officially put us on the world map.

No longer will we be asked where Kenya is, and we can all be proud to call ourselves Kenyan, for officially Obama rules the world …. Woo Hooo ……..

obama1

.. and perhaps all those living in diaspora can finally stop treating their fellow citizens that they left back at home in Kenya as their ‘poor’ cousins.

AND …… OUR VERY OWN PRESIDENT KIBAKI HAS JUST DECLARED TOMORROW A PUBLIC HOLIDAY SO THAT WE CAN CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY …………. Bet you all wish you lived in Kenya now!!

Posted by: mzunguchick | November 3, 2008

Are you ready? …. because Kisumu City IS !!

Well, as I swim my way through my own personal haze of confusion, Kenyans sit on the edge of their seats as here we are on the eve of the Presidential election.

If you live in Kenya, it’ll be hard to believe that it’s not actually happening in our own country because the amount of ‘OBAMA’ stickers and t-shirts and other paraphenalia hanging about all over town today is quite something.  And everyone you talk to – apart from the expat Brits of course – who just want a conversation about Lewis Hamilton and what a stormer of a race that was last night …….  which I have to admit to having watched myself AND even gasping when Lewis went into 6th position and then cheering when he overtook Glock and ended up back in 5th at the finish!! ……  can I just say *really really quietly as I don’t want to cause an international incident*, that someone should perhaps advise the young Mr Hamilton to shuffle a few bucks to that Timo Glock chap’s way because I’m afraid I have to agree with the doubters and say that in my humble opinion – the entire World Championship was held in Glock’s hands last night and it was totally his decision in the end as to who won this 2008 season

…………………….. GOSH SORRY BIG DIVERSION THERE …..

Where was I – oh yes, everyone you talk to (bar the Brits) has one thing on their mind and that is their cousin / brother / uncle – by the name of the one and only Barack Obama is so going to make Western Kenya a very affluent place by tomorrow evening!

The airport has had a lick of paint in honour of the imminent arrival of ‘Air Force One’ ….

.. school’s have been appropriately renamed ..

.. and everyone is getting some last minute fishing in

– as we understand rumour has it that all those from the lakeside will be exporting fish to Obama’s home town before the end of the week, and “Omena”* and “Ngege”* will be the new “Beef” on every menu throughout America.

(* er, for those unfamiliar with our ‘Omena’ and ‘Ngege’ (although I can assure you if you live in the States these will be household staples before the week’s out) – they are types of fish caught in Lake Victoria and are the essential part of every diet in the whole of Western Kenya!)

FOOTNOTE FOR THOSE READING THIS ON EXTREMELY TALL HORSES:- All Kenyans are incredibly proud to be directly related to Mr Obama, and in fact some of us are more related than most – his mum came from my mothers side of the hills and his father and my father were neighbours way back then, so can I just let you know that I shall be the absolute first in the line welcoming Air Force One at Kisumu Airport and shall have my cool boxes packed ready to ship out.

Posted by: mzunguchick | October 25, 2008

Life it seems has thrown me the ultimate curve ball.

Well people, it seems I really am living up to my name and am finally, totally and utterly L O S T – in every sense of the word.

I do realise that we were put on this earth to deal with the weird and bizarre that is thrown at us at will and how we get through life depends on how we deal with the crap that gets flung our way.  There will ultimately always be ups and downs of course, but sometimes it would be jolly nice to say that the ups perhaps outweighed the downs, and in the past few weeks I have been trying to deal with a rather large major down it seemed, but after today and a very interesting couple of meetings, I think I may be finally seeing the up side of my down!!

Right, now that you’re all sufficiently confused, let me explain…..

I’m not sure how many of you who read this – that is of course if anyone does actually read this ..- and have kids of your own, but if you do you will probably understand where I’m coming from that you’re not overly keen to find out that that gorgeous little barrel of nightmares that is your own child is N O T normal!!

But then again, what exactly is normal?  Just because they don’t fit into the same mould as the next little smasher, does that really make them abnormal??  Surely every child put on this earth – you and i included – are unique, and if we ‘fit in’ to the system or not, does that really make us abnormal??  Perhaps I like ready salted crisps the best and yet 9 out of 10 dog owners say Pedigree Chum rocks!!  Does that make that 10% ridiculously abnormal, or it just means that perhaps they also would prefer a packet of ready salted rather than a Pedigree Chum super snack??

So here’s the thing – my son has just been labelled (OH sorry, I apologise – diagnosed!), as having a combination of being gifted/having aspergers syndrome.

Mmmmmm, well before you ask – he hasn’t changed a bit – he is still the same little devil that he was a month ago and he is still just as adorable but the school can’t cope with my adorable little devil and have asked that he be assessed by and educational psychologist in order to chart the way forward with the small chaps education.  I must say however I wasn’t quite expecting the ‘labelling’ procedure and it has kind of thrown me for 6.

Many sleepless nights later and lots of soul searching of – “Oh my god, what have I done to make this poor little fellow not normal”, I finally faced the demons and met with the psychologist myself this afternoon, and as much as I have researched all of this on the Internet, until today I have, can we say, been mildly confused as to where we go from here!!

The psychologist was an incredibly interesting chap and if anything a little ‘eccentric’ himself (as he likes to call it!)  But chatting to him – although talking about my own son – seemed like an interesting chat about a little fellow I happen to know who has some quirks but is absolutely adorable ….. Mmm, are we getting this feeling that I am not quite relating to this??

Just read an article by some fellow with a son with the same issues, although his son is now 21 years old and has done very well for hisself, but the first line in his article really sums up exactly how  I feel right now this minute ………….

“GETTING A DIAGNOSIS OF ASPERGER SYNDROME FOR YOUR CHILD IS SORT OF LIKE GETTING HIT BY A SLOW FREIGHT TRAIN.”

I’ll be back to you once I know more and have got up from under the train ..

Posted by: mzunguchick | October 3, 2008

Our beautiful country ………

I thought I’d share with you all a few pics of what my new job is all about ………

…… and they call this ‘working’ by the way!

It’s OK – I don’t mind if you hate me, just save up your pennies and come and join me!

Posted by: mzunguchick | October 1, 2008

So what’s the way forward if you’ve got any cash?

I, along the rest of the world, have been watching the financial world fall about our ears.  Here in Kenya though, finance doesn’t seem to feature too highly in the news, and whilst the world’s headlines have been all about the collapse of the markets, our front page news has been much more exciting such as;

“Kenyan Men Firing Blanks”, “Minis are here to stay so better get used to them, say women”, and “Don’t force Luo men to be circumcised”.

So, here’s my theory on the whole mess.

As it seems that Kenyans are extremely good at acting like ostriches and burying their heads in the sand with their minds on much more interesting things like women’s legs, willies and sex, the money crisis can keep sliding us by.  first thing is of course, we don’t actually have a lot of money – that’s the ordinary Kenyan we’re of course talking about here as all those in government positions are no doubt sweating a little and will perhaps be not be getting too much sleep at the moment as their mattresses are bulging with smelly, sweaty thousand shilling notes, but for the rest of us.  Well, we sleep easy as the mattress isn’t lumpy at all, and what little we do have should be spent as fast as possible because it seems the future is not guaranteed anyway and so we might as well have a little fun while we can!

Kenyans have an awesome trait, which in some cases is incredibly tricky to negotiate, but in a financial crisis worldwide such as this one, seems the best way forward, and that is – LIVE FOR TODAY, TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY.

With regards to saving the planet for the future, or thinking of anything past the weekend is incredibly tricky, and people struggle to have us look after our world for our children for all we can think of is how to spend the little money that we have burning a hole in our pockets, and which pub which we should visit on Friday.

But then again, perhaps if the whole world thought this way, this financial crisis wouldn’t be so much of a crisis after all as how I see it is that you might as well spend the bloody stuff if you have any because leaving it in a bank seems to be a complete waste of effort at the moment as you may wake up tomorrow, the bank will have gone under, and all your hard earned cash will disappear into a banking black hole whilst the world’s high powers f… it all up once more.

So there you have it, the way forward ……. Let’s go shopping and PARTY !!

Posted by: mzunguchick | September 19, 2008

What do you think IDP really stands for?

OK, first things first.

I would like to apologise profusely for my distinct lack of posting on my blog in the last few weeks.  No excuses are good enough really apart from being a lazy git and just not connecting brain with fingers for typing up of thoughts, but then I read a classic today and my little fingers (sorry – read ‘little’ there as squidgy porky ones – bit of an issue with water retention but ………… Oh Christ, I didn’t say that out loud did I??  I’ve obviously been spending far too much time on the phone chatting with my mate who, no matter what time of day or night I call the girl, she seems to be in the loo, and can I say that she gives out FAR more information than you would ever care to think about – never mind say out loud!!)  ………  Gosh sorry, back to the point ….

a)  Lazy git
b) issue with porky fingers
c) …… surely there must be more to this post ………. OH YES, of course,   I D P

Read a very interesting little snippet in one of the dailies – think it was the Nairobi Star (Kenya’s rival to “The Sun” without the page 3 girls – smashing read for gossip about the news but probably little actual fact to most of it!) …..

Anyway here’s the thing.  Since the beginning of the year, all those who got displaced from their homes have been promised cash from the government in order to help resettle them.

Well here we are, months down the line, and all of a sudden the government’s keen to dole out a bit of dosh – obviously ratings are low, we, the Kenyan public are not at all convinced that the smashing ‘coalition government’ we’ve been talked into is doing anything but the usual – ripping off the public tax money and going on lots of ‘working’ trips abroad, so it seems they were in need of a bit of a PR boost.

First off the mark were all the crafty Kenyans living in perfectly good housing somewhere quite happily but heard there was a bit of cash to be had if you were proved to be displaced.  So into the cupboard they went fished out the gear that they’d bought at Mitumba back in 2000, wrestled the holey shoes back off the dog, and get on their way sharpish, off to live in a tent in a field for a while.

Then of course there are some who are genuinely homeless – thing is they probably ALWAYS had been – so at least they’ve now got a bit of canvas over their heads which is way more than they’ve ever had before, and the best bit is now they’re destined for a bit of a hand out as well – Bargain!

Finally you have the real displaced persons – these are those poor blighters who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the proverbial hit the fan at some rate of knots in the month of January and are the real victims of the post election violence, and actually deserve any help that they can get.

Well this week, if you happened to be living in a tent (in the Meru area I think it was), your luck was in.  Some marvellous chaps from the government  turned up and handed out 10,000/- (about US$150) per family and put them on a bus out of there.

Thing is, when you’ve lost absolutely everything (including your land most likely), exactly how far will you get with 10,000/- I ask you? …………

Well, it turns out this is how it works;
a) Wife handed the cash – she packs up children, tent and few worldly possessions acquired in the last few months and hops straight on that bus off to start again in what she hopes can only be a better place than living in a tent in a field.

OR
b) Husband handed the cash – heads for the nearest bar, buys everyone in it a round of drinks, drinks himself into a complete stupor, picks up the closest tart for 1,200/-, takes her off to the nearest “rented by the hour” rooms and gets the rest of his cash, that he hasn’t given to the bartender, smoothly ripped off by picked up hooker.  Wakes a few hours later, realises all money is gone and then wends his way back to canvas awning in field shouting at the top of his voice that the money was never enough anyhow and what else was he supposed to do but drown his sorrows!

So, back to that word IDP ………..

Personally I find “INTENTIONALLY DRUNK PRATT” springs to mind!

Mmm .... perhaps Bush should apply!

Mmm .... I think Bush might just qualify for that 10,000/-!

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