Posted by: mzunguchick | September 19, 2008

What do you think IDP really stands for?

OK, first things first.

I would like to apologise profusely for my distinct lack of posting on my blog in the last few weeks.  No excuses are good enough really apart from being a lazy git and just not connecting brain with fingers for typing up of thoughts, but then I read a classic today and my little fingers (sorry – read ‘little’ there as squidgy porky ones – bit of an issue with water retention but ………… Oh Christ, I didn’t say that out loud did I??  I’ve obviously been spending far too much time on the phone chatting with my mate who, no matter what time of day or night I call the girl, she seems to be in the loo, and can I say that she gives out FAR more information than you would ever care to think about – never mind say out loud!!)  ………  Gosh sorry, back to the point ….

a)  Lazy git
b) issue with porky fingers
c) …… surely there must be more to this post ………. OH YES, of course,   I D P

Read a very interesting little snippet in one of the dailies – think it was the Nairobi Star (Kenya’s rival to “The Sun” without the page 3 girls – smashing read for gossip about the news but probably little actual fact to most of it!) …..

Anyway here’s the thing.  Since the beginning of the year, all those who got displaced from their homes have been promised cash from the government in order to help resettle them.

Well here we are, months down the line, and all of a sudden the government’s keen to dole out a bit of dosh – obviously ratings are low, we, the Kenyan public are not at all convinced that the smashing ‘coalition government’ we’ve been talked into is doing anything but the usual – ripping off the public tax money and going on lots of ‘working’ trips abroad, so it seems they were in need of a bit of a PR boost.

First off the mark were all the crafty Kenyans living in perfectly good housing somewhere quite happily but heard there was a bit of cash to be had if you were proved to be displaced.  So into the cupboard they went fished out the gear that they’d bought at Mitumba back in 2000, wrestled the holey shoes back off the dog, and get on their way sharpish, off to live in a tent in a field for a while.

Then of course there are some who are genuinely homeless – thing is they probably ALWAYS had been – so at least they’ve now got a bit of canvas over their heads which is way more than they’ve ever had before, and the best bit is now they’re destined for a bit of a hand out as well – Bargain!

Finally you have the real displaced persons – these are those poor blighters who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when the proverbial hit the fan at some rate of knots in the month of January and are the real victims of the post election violence, and actually deserve any help that they can get.

Well this week, if you happened to be living in a tent (in the Meru area I think it was), your luck was in.  Some marvellous chaps from the government  turned up and handed out 10,000/- (about US$150) per family and put them on a bus out of there.

Thing is, when you’ve lost absolutely everything (including your land most likely), exactly how far will you get with 10,000/- I ask you? …………

Well, it turns out this is how it works;
a) Wife handed the cash – she packs up children, tent and few worldly possessions acquired in the last few months and hops straight on that bus off to start again in what she hopes can only be a better place than living in a tent in a field.

b) Husband handed the cash – heads for the nearest bar, buys everyone in it a round of drinks, drinks himself into a complete stupor, picks up the closest tart for 1,200/-, takes her off to the nearest “rented by the hour” rooms and gets the rest of his cash, that he hasn’t given to the bartender, smoothly ripped off by picked up hooker.  Wakes a few hours later, realises all money is gone and then wends his way back to canvas awning in field shouting at the top of his voice that the money was never enough anyhow and what else was he supposed to do but drown his sorrows!

So, back to that word IDP ………..

Personally I find “INTENTIONALLY DRUNK PRATT” springs to mind!

Mmm .... perhaps Bush should apply!

Mmm .... I think Bush might just qualify for that 10,000/-!



  1. There’s prostitution in Kenya? Shocking.

  2. Lol… That was an interesting read.

  3. quite the picture you paint, according to my sources this unfortunately happens to be true, the man and drinking bit, quite sad.

  4. People will never be contented with whats available. For them to go on a drinking spree after the small token makes those who generously donated food and clothes to them think otherwise

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