Posted by: mzunguchick | October 25, 2008

Life it seems has thrown me the ultimate curve ball.

Well people, it seems I really am living up to my name and am finally, totally and utterly L O S T – in every sense of the word.

I do realise that we were put on this earth to deal with the weird and bizarre that is thrown at us at will and how we get through life depends on how we deal with the crap that gets flung our way.  There will ultimately always be ups and downs of course, but sometimes it would be jolly nice to say that the ups perhaps outweighed the downs, and in the past few weeks I have been trying to deal with a rather large major down it seemed, but after today and a very interesting couple of meetings, I think I may be finally seeing the up side of my down!!

Right, now that you’re all sufficiently confused, let me explain…..

I’m not sure how many of you who read this – that is of course if anyone does actually read this ..- and have kids of your own, but if you do you will probably understand where I’m coming from that you’re not overly keen to find out that that gorgeous little barrel of nightmares that is your own child is N O T normal!!

But then again, what exactly is normal?  Just because they don’t fit into the same mould as the next little smasher, does that really make them abnormal??  Surely every child put on this earth – you and i included – are unique, and if we ‘fit in’ to the system or not, does that really make us abnormal??  Perhaps I like ready salted crisps the best and yet 9 out of 10 dog owners say Pedigree Chum rocks!!  Does that make that 10% ridiculously abnormal, or it just means that perhaps they also would prefer a packet of ready salted rather than a Pedigree Chum super snack??

So here’s the thing – my son has just been labelled (OH sorry, I apologise – diagnosed!), as having a combination of being gifted/having aspergers syndrome.

Mmmmmm, well before you ask – he hasn’t changed a bit – he is still the same little devil that he was a month ago and he is still just as adorable but the school can’t cope with my adorable little devil and have asked that he be assessed by and educational psychologist in order to chart the way forward with the small chaps education.  I must say however I wasn’t quite expecting the ‘labelling’ procedure and it has kind of thrown me for 6.

Many sleepless nights later and lots of soul searching of – “Oh my god, what have I done to make this poor little fellow not normal”, I finally faced the demons and met with the psychologist myself this afternoon, and as much as I have researched all of this on the Internet, until today I have, can we say, been mildly confused as to where we go from here!!

The psychologist was an incredibly interesting chap and if anything a little ‘eccentric’ himself (as he likes to call it!)  But chatting to him – although talking about my own son – seemed like an interesting chat about a little fellow I happen to know who has some quirks but is absolutely adorable ….. Mmm, are we getting this feeling that I am not quite relating to this??

Just read an article by some fellow with a son with the same issues, although his son is now 21 years old and has done very well for hisself, but the first line in his article really sums up exactly how  I feel right now this minute ………….

“GETTING A DIAGNOSIS OF ASPERGER SYNDROME FOR YOUR CHILD IS SORT OF LIKE GETTING HIT BY A SLOW FREIGHT TRAIN.”

I’ll be back to you once I know more and have got up from under the train ..

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Responses

  1. My little boy has strange high and low blood sugars leading him into comas in the early morning after the long nights with no feeds.
    It is the handball thrown at us and the best idea is to do just as you have done; face it armed with research and others support.
    Good luck, and as for shrinks well that can be a hard thing to, I always wonder what kind of people become shrinks ( !) ; also be careful to get a few other opinions far too many labels thrown around with too much freedom.

  2. Oh MC – I’m sorry that it’s all been a bit rubbish. It must be very difficult to deal with the diagnosis – especially as the school seems to be being a bit shit. However, as you say, your son is still the same fabulous little boy he was before the diagnosis and he will continue that way.

    My thoughts are with you – hope you come out from under that train soon. You know where I am if you need a chat.

  3. unique, just like everyone else. i like that you have kept your sense of humour, that is positive, no? there are ‘labels’ i have grown through, quirky eccentric or whatever else people choose to call me, i try to put my best foot forward anyway, just watch out for those cracks… 🙂

  4. I read the description for Aspergers on Wikipedia, and it is the profile of most high performing computer programmers. The need to do repetitive tasks, cognitive ability, “enhanced perception of small changes in patterns such as arrangements of objects or well-known images”. The last part is so crucial in finding bugs, or even better writing code that eliminates the possibility of a bugs. I bet if you go to Microsoft, HP, etc right now, you will find people with Aspergers, in fact, I am really wondering about some people I have met in my career.

  5. Hey! Have been reading your blog for a while now, but never felt the urge to comment.

    On the one hand, your boy will probably be fine. I have experience of both toddlers and (when they grow up) of ex-boyfriends who are Aspies. I’ve got a load of resources that you could access if you want any more information. If you need any pointers, just email me.

    Stay well and happy. xx

  6. Hey MC!

    I’ve child-minded Aspergers kids before and the difference with ‘normal’ kids? Not much. (You’re right… what does ‘normal’ mean anyway?)
    Having also studied psychology, it’s amazing to see how much we love to label things. Sounds more like your ‘mold’ theory, and your wee boy doesn’t fit into it neatly (who does?).
    Continue to enjoy your rich, beautiful life with your family. Your great sense of humour will help you over the bumps as always.

    Huge hugs and all the best!
    x

  7. Ah .. motherhood! Just love him .. which, I’m quite sure, is exactly what you are doing. :o)

  8. aspergers, asparagus, whatever they want to call it…I can see mother and son as the best beach bloggers this side of the sun!

  9. @Africa Girl – Pole sana about your little boy. i do hope you get him sorted.

    @Nutty Cow – Thanks hun. x

    @31337 – Am definitely out to hurdle the cracks!

    @coder – that’ll be the ‘up’ side – my little Einstein will make me a small fortune and keep me in the manner to which I wish to become accustomed!

    @Turbopixie – thanks for that, I may take you up on that offer sometime.

    @Nats – when I work out what ‘normal’ is, I’ll be sure to let you know.

    @Beth – loving him will always be the easiest thing I can do.

    @Sukuma – I’ve always liked asparagus myself, so that must definitely be the way forward!

  10. Hey Lost Chick, Jambo after all these months 🙂 I just came on line and saw your post…Just a few thoughts- I know just a little about Asperger’s bc my sister probably has it (and also these diagnoses are all the rage here in the US)…if your wonderful boy has it, then I must say he has only the mildest touch, because I never would have detected it in my encounter with him…one of the toughest things to deal with among the hard cases of Aspergers is a kind of anti-social quality; a difficulty connecting with people and reading their emotions- but he seems to me so nicely connected! I think there are many ways of having Asperger’s and some are much tougher than others…I wonder if you shouldn’t give yourself too much of a scare via internet surfing bc much of what they say just won’t apply to him. If he’s gifted, he may indeed be a handful at school (possibly bc bored, or easily distracted), and that is tough, yeah, but lots of parents go through it- I wonder if the “gifted” discussion boards may prove more useful and heartening, because in the end he is going to be just FINE, BETTER than fine, in fact. Anyway. Just sending you my best wishes- this can’t be easy, but I have a feeling it’s not as bad as you fear at all 🙂 xx Janet

  11. Hi MC
    I wasn’t going to comment as everyone has already said what I wanted to. But I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you both.
    Just take one day at the time. In my experience, Aspergers is no great deal. The kids are bright, have one heck of a personality. OK, they are a bit different, but then aren’t we all? That’s what makes the world go round.

  12. Janet – thanks so much for that and I’m so glad you got to meet the little chap in person and see how fab he really can be. He is great on a one on one basis and only gets himself in these stressful situations outside of home, hence this dual diagnosis, but thanks so much for you wishes. Great to catch up with you again xx

    Baba Mzungu – thanks for your thoughts and yes, I do agree with you there – we are most definitely all unique.

  13. @ Africa Girl. Jem? Is that you and are you talking about the most wonderful wizard in the entire world?

  14. Begin here:
    http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/
    Get back to me when you need or want more.
    Enjoy, it’s good times.

  15. Hi,

    I came about your blog by mistake. Just googling for matatus.

    Though I know that its a bit difficult to hear it from others, all is not lost. My lecturer in a boston college had aspergers. I believe she is the sharpest human being I have ever met.

    I can’t recall the program date but when I do find it I will post it here. It was a program on NPR radio about the condition that ran for 3 episodes.

    If you can search NPR boston site you might find it. I will try get my lecturers contacts as she likes talking with those living with the syndrome.

    Always remember that life never gives you something you cannot do and every challenge is meant to make you a better person.


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