Posted by: mzunguchick | November 26, 2008

Well it’s definitely change all right …….

Since our man Obama has won his nomination and Western Kenya has set up its tourist routing accordingly to deal with Obamamania, here back in the big smoke in my little world things are not so rosy and everything seems to be tumbling about around me and doesn’t seem to want to stop.

I didn’t think I’d bother keeping up my blogging balderdash as the comments that I have had recently over Obama Maniadom were just far too boring to let out into the blogosphere and even my ‘recycle bin’ was struggling with the abuse it had to take, so thought best I shut up so all the bored abusive people who have nothing better to do in life can move along somewhere else and give me a break for a bit.

Anyway had a phone call this morning from an ‘old’ friend (- she got rather old over the weekend, but it was about time she caught up a bit with the rest of us!), ands I got a bit of stick about being so quiet and so I had a little think, and ……. thought ……….. Typical me yet again, the going gets a little rough and if I can’t run away then instead I bury my head in the sand – both excellent techniques, that I have tried and tested many times I might add, to avoid life entirely and let it go ‘la la la’ by in the breeze!  BUT, according to my friendly girlie psych – that is not a good way of ‘coping’, although I’m not sure I’m really ready for coping just at the moment.

The last few weeks/months suck generally – apart from Obama getting in – that was the good part, and I got abused for celebrating with my fellow countrymen over it, but hey, I suppose when it all goes horribly wrong, it does mean ALL.

I have this wonderful place in my head where the sun is shining, there is a field of beautiful roses floating on a stunning bright blue sea, and everything is calm and peaceful and incredibly gorgeous and heavenly.  The only way to reach this wonderful place is by climbing an incredible steep stony hill, and that hill is the story of my life.

I have yet to reach that amazing place that I dream of, but every day I wake up and think that perhaps today may just be the day when I reach the top of that hill and finally get to see that sunny, happy place for real.  I think that’s what’s known as true optimism, and i would like to think of myself as a generally optimistic type, but I’m not sure that at the moment I am doing much of a job convincing myself of anything, as it seems there is a jolly big boulder blocking my path and my light, and currently I cannot find a way round it.

Yes people, as you can tell from my waffle, I have finally – officially – lost my marbles, and even the ‘happy’ pills aren’t helping.  Depression is a very evil curse, and all I want to do right now is sit under the desk, plug myself into my ipod and pretend the world outside that 2 square foot space does not exist and will not bother me ever again.

Instead of course, I sit on top of my desk – well not quite – but you know what I mean – and write bollix to the blogosphere hoping that by pouring out the nonsense I may feel better, but do I?

…..  Ooooh, ooooh, oooh, phone’s ringing, this could be it  …….

Should have known better!  Have just had meeting that was scheduled with school to try desperately to chart the way forward for the ‘gifted, aspergers, school hater’ known as my son, has got f***ed up by the child psychologist mixing up his days of the week.  Oh JOY!

Just tell me one thing …..

When do I officially hit rock bottom, and the only only way forward is upwards?

OR is this just what life is all about, and it’s just going to swallow me whole ??????

black-hole

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Sorry to hear that things have gone a little upside down. 😦

  2. Ah well, it could be worse – it could be Monday.

    Hey, did you notice the “automatically generated possibly related post”? What the hell’s that all about?

  3. When you reach that shiny place, don’t forget to look back and give us the address…in the meantime, let’s help each other out for the hill is steep.
    Smiles from *M*

  4. Only a complete idiot would want to abuse you, Ms Chick. You are much loved all over the world.

  5. Oh MC – I’m sorry you’re feeling down. My thoughts, for what they’re worth…

    1) Don’t worry yourself about people who are putting you down. Your blog, your space, you can write what the hell you like and sod ’em. Who cares what they think?

    2) It’s not always going to be like this. It may seem shit now but it will get better. It will.

    3) You have so many friends out there (both in “real life” and elsewhere) talk to them, take a bit of time out.

    4) Vent – that’s what blogs are really great for. Sit down, write, spew, vent, don’t make sense, however it works. Just as long as you get all those frustrations off your chest.

    See, just reading through all that, I realise it doesn’t actually make much sense but pah, I don’t care.

    Take care of yourself…
    xxx

  6. Sorry to read this – it must be in the air.
    I’m starting a gratitude journal in an attempt to pull myself up – every day, forcing myself to list things I’m grateful for. This morning “sun on my hair” made the list. I’ll gratefully grasp at straws.
    Hope the boulder disintegrates for you soon.

  7. Ok – its me, that ‘old friend’ back in your comments box, and glad you took my advice to get back onto that blog again! I know you would tell my daughter to get right back on to that feisty pony, which this evening head-planted said daughter right onto a jump! So I am glad to discover that depressed you may be, but hypocrite you are not! Anyway, to make you feel just a little better – you are not the only one to have bad days – in fact, since getting a little bit older (two weeks ago) I have been to the doc three times, been told by my children that my body is increasingly wobbly and that I have betrayed my natural brunette colour by facing forty as a dyed blonde! But, c’est la vie… I always find writing very therapeutic. So lets have more Lost Kenyan Chick ramblings! I am back, and will be checking!

  8. sasa supu! umelost wapi? tuna-kumiss sana.ama iko shida na bei ya unga?

    hope to read your stories more often.
    hope all is fine!

    see you soon!

  9. GRRH – its your old mate again! Cross that you have not tapped out some more gems on your keyboard…. your fans are out there waiting! And to hell with the negative comments… their problem, not yours! Go girl…

  10. Hey MC
    I hope that 2009 sorts itself out for you and your little boy. I have been watching your blog in the hope that you might find your way out of your black hole.
    And I hate to say this, but it is only you who can decide when you have hit rock bottom and when you are going to bounce back up.
    So, give it a try.
    Happy New Year.
    DM


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: